in hope - we dream

deja vu occurred today, plodding on the cemented pavement beside a heavy traffic, the bustle and hustle of busy Orchard road... i saw something that made everything seem to freeze for a hundred seconds.

...the man lifted his broad big hand placing it on the back of his girl's head lightly, pulling her close to him and then kissing her gently on her forehead...

for a minute, seeing that vague, swift and almost sutle action being played out in front of me, i caught myself breathless, heart sinking towards the ground i was rooted in.

the very placing of his hand, the very same position he kissed... it brought me back in a flash to the days before. He did that very same action... when he returned from Bali, when he wanted me to feel secure and okay after a long day, when he just wanted to sayang me there and then.

how cruel it seems, allowing myself to undergo another flash of painful shivers down my spine. i held on to the railings just beside of me... leaning onto its green coated paint, feelings its cold against the small of my back.

how do i know how important he is and can be so sure that i'll continue feeling for him?

everyone keeps asking me that. everyone said too that i'll find someone better, more capable, more intelligent and everything that he wasn't good enough to be compared with.

but once true love found - its hard to denounce. how can i substitute another for him? in my mind, everything leans in favour of him.

that's how much i know he is the right one.

for as long as i know, what i believe in and what i keep hoping and praying for, diligently, will one day come true. just like any fairy tales that comes true for some persistant few that "never say die"...

once not so long time ago, he said "if u find someone better, go for him, u'll be happier"

that sounded so vaguely familiar it almost brought me to tears... it was the rejection line once said to him before. yet he was able to use to on me that very moment, forgo-ing all the past we had before, as in almost a different person altogether.

was he indirectly telling me to give up or was he just simply delusional and do not know what he really was feeling then, as if testing me and my patience?

i remembered his one conversation with me, after it all ended fair and square, that "who knows we might get back together, future things we don't know, but for now i like to take the opportunity of single life to do my own things".

last checked, he IS happy with his singlehood. dreadfully is. can one survive with pride and dignity, without emotions and only the materialistic worldly things that we are greedy for? can one be really happy and not feel lonely at all?

patience - a seed i'm cultivating in me. as well as virtuous of the heart, compassion and an understanding towards others.

he needs his own space, to dream and basks in his dreams, to think and be ambitious abt his future plans, to breathe and to let go of the pitiful plight of circumstantial faults that he doesn't really need.

i need my dreams too. like all princesses in fairy tales, hopes will come true someday. dreams are not surely empty cravings, working and fighting for your dreams will see u step closer to ur desires one fine day.

i might be flying off as an SQ girl in the later part of the year eventually, if so do see fate seeking me into that path. perhaps it will do me more good to see the outside world more and breathe more of the fresh air over there.

once fortunate but unappreciative, once done can never be undone. salvaging the last threads that binds, seeking and evolving after the beginning of regrets and sorrows.