reflections of a self-confessed drama-queen

What would your reaction be if someone surprised you with candles forming a heart-shaped pattern with a gift wrapped in the centre?

Would you know what the intentions of that person is?

Can u read the person's thoughts, through such actions and see its true meaning - that u mean so much?

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the smile on your face, though you were down with fever, a runny nose and an upset stomach, was priceless. i wish that moment would never end.

but reality hits me like a rock. how you used to feel for me has changed. drastically. gone were the days we could hold each other close, basking in the moment of estactic joy.

perhaps like how i feel towards the sea of male-testestrone i face every other day. the feeling of gratefulness and complete thanx. and that it ends there. in a matter of minutes such actions would become fading memories in light of your new life's expedition.

deep inside i pin on the glimmer of hope that's fading so fast day-by-day. feelings can never be forced nor forcefully employed upon. silly romantis survive on such faint hope, to keep them alive, strong in surviving every single day.

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A friend gave an insight into my horoscope. far from the guru of star-signs, his reduction of my water sign gave me a sudden tremour of realisation. my greatest and weakest attribute - emotions. the personality that would cause the most harm in me - hypersensitivity.

yet after dissecting me into parts that derived what is called 'sherry' he left me with no explanation nor help into which i could step out from such dramatic assets. i'd have to learn it by tasting more of what life is.

i admit to all the traits, even surrendering to the fact that missy me even possesses a very pessimistic view of everyday's life. details come by me as fast as the wink of an eye. I'm meticulous about everything and anything. Very. not referring to a perfectionist in-the-making (i'm lazy too), but events that occur every min and second seems to jump up to me as if saying "HEY! LOOK HERE! THINK ABT THIS!"

yes meticulous sherry (the angel) in terms of sentimental things does a very good job at impressing and exciting. but meticulous sherry (the devil) sources out details, digesting them like hungry vultures and eats into her brain like a huge migraine occuring. it digs n churns, twist and turns until i become uptight, unreasonable and a procrastinator.

this is a cycle of inner war which i have to suffer each and every day i walked this planet. it affects my life, my habits, my mood and even the ones close to me. short of being labelled a mental patient, i have yet to find the right one who understands me wholly. it is pure torture having to feel like sitting on a roller-coaster ride, going up and down as persons come in and out of my life. Similar.

my life is like a soap opera, a movie without a written script, a play that has no end till the day i passed on. i agree to that. not wanting to scare any readers here, i should be courageous enough to declare that "Yes. i'm a drama-mama".
 



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at times i would sit by a coffee joint or be shopping individually, in the busiest streets of spore. people (as observed by me) are just slaves and puppets acting out how they deem "the norm". see an unusually dressed, eccentric person come by and all he/she gets is an unwavering sea of looks and stares that could possible feel like a worm crawling up your neck.

so perhaps, borned into such a society, up-plays my personality, my traits, my behaviour into what is supposedly the right thing to do? understanding that i assume that actions i portray, and how people will react back goes by like an invisible script.

"never expect the expected cause the unexpected always turns out unexpectingly right"

how do i convert from my old self into another? how do i become (as basic as i should put it) reborned? from the day i came into this world, the surroundings and the environment i was so protectingly kept in, has moulded me, taught me, given me the way to live my life.

then came the rebellion stage where all that was right in my eyes was purposely done wrong by me. only by that, do i now see the bigger picture of a not-so-nice, serene world.

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friends come and go. the initial stages of friendship may appear bright and fruitful. but the true test of friendship lies in time. if time does it pass as the days of sprouting white hair surfaces, we'll learn who are the ones that will stick by us, no matter what.

some may appear trememdously helpful and possess the best personality at the beginning, but their true intentions will neva surface until time passes by. we live in a world of sins, lies n deceit, corruption and favouritism. people do things for a reason - mostly for self-benefits.

never trust until trust is earned and built up for trust is like a delicate flower which may wilt as fast as it blooms.

here's to my best friend - ben... for being someone who has earned my trust till trust itself gets in the way. thanx for listening, comforting, protecting, caring and supporting me.