It doesn't make any sense at all

It's like I can never be good enough.

Am i insignificant to You, as you always make me feel?

Sometimes I look forward to a certain something so much, I wish it didn't happen when it finally does. I don't know how to react - what to do, what to say, what to feel. Or what I'm expected to. And then I'm stuck in the drowning confusion of reacting how I want to, or how I'm expected to. Somehow the better option never wins.

It doesn't make any sense.

I hate the way I try so hard not to try too hard. I hate the way I don't allow myself happiness from you.

I hate the way my mind tells me I have to be indifferent, yet be able to express subtle fondness. I hate the fact that I can't give anything away in my gestures, my smiles, my words, yet be able to bring the ambiguity between us across. But no one ever told me I had to.

It amazes me, the way I can conclude, in paranoia, your many emotions through a single sentence, or a mere expression, and then convince myself a woman's sixth sense can never go wrong. All the time you could be having a completely different thought, or thinking about nothing at all.

Sometimes I wish I could rid you of your stubborness, yet I know I can never fall for anyone who's not the way you are.

Sometimes I wish I understood you, and sometimes I wish I won't ever.
 

Under the softly lit sky
I listen to the radio spin the solitary melody.
Distantly familiar, and then I remember
The same notes that were played
On the CD player sitting strategically on your wooden shelf
When I first looked into your eyes.
In your beautiful handsome attire
And my favourite pink outfit which u hated,
I can't see where we're going.
But at least we're on this road together,
The only wish and dream I hold within.

I slide my hand into yours
Hoping somehow,
It'll ease the agony of my sin.
But You jerk it off carelessly
What was once starry-eyed innocence,
Now paints betrayal on my lips.

Where's tomorrow, what's tomorrow?
I almost asked.
But that,
Would have shattered the peaceful silence
Of our painless, deliberate ignorance.

I lay my head on your shoulder
Looking into the distance,
Wondering what's the price to pay.
With only love at my fingertips,
I slowly breathe in the melancholy
You wish you could take away from me...

My pain.