8 july 2004

Disappointment

look at today's date. says the 8th. yet he forgot today's special occasion. didn't call/sms. had to set him thinking wad today was. disappointing. he came up wif the right answer...after awhile. said he rememebered. pretty obvious he was lying. work his top priority. he ends work at 10+pm today. feel trapped and alone suddenly. remotely angry.

auditions

went mediacorp. had to verbally dialogue a scene wif gwen. she's a nice plump ger. had trouble remembering the many lines. the cam n lightings were so bright for my eyes. had trouble trying to show expressions on my face. doh. at the end, felt that i could have done better. was so nervous. but the plot was supposed to look nervous. maybe i look alil blur on cam. suk.

nothing else to do but rot

trying to make myself bz. bot satay for lunch. 10 sticks wif rice. finished them all. felt bloated. still feel empty inside. dunno wads the feeling. hard to describe. all his fault. feel lk my bubble has been burst. feel drain of emotions. probably too used to feeling disappointed that he has no time for me. understand his job. understand the need for money chase. dun understand y he doesn't show me he cares for me much. no actions hardly any words past few days. tried calling. yet he sounded offbeat. trying to be nice. kept waiting for him to come ard from his moodiness. now too tired to even bother.

look at the calendar. says 8 july. nothing special today happened. nothing special will happen anymore anyway.