christmas like no ever

christmas is coming soon... i wonder how this year's x'mas will be like for me. this is always my favourite festive occasion, but most of the years disappointment and grieve covers up most of the joy in it.

the song sings: have urself a merry merry christmas... white christmas...
nice melodious carols of such i really love... especially now that they've started playing such carols on the streets of orchard roads...

christmas is a time of giving and sharing... a time to be loved and to love... a time where all friends and family gather to spend time together after a hectic year... time flies.. i have enjoyed and suffered countless christmas... from the young age of decorating our flimsy x'mas tree in the living room to the time where each x'mas meant a heartbreak situation occuring in my love life... to last year's enjoyable x'mas with ter... though this year's fate and plight is highly and probably will be negative... my close friends should know...

i'm devastated yet harbouring the slightest want for affection this x'mas... i know that i'll be regretting in the future if that should happen... and i know that the true meaning of x'mas still lies in Christ's generous love for me n all.

exams are coming to an end.. i suppose after that my focus will be bland and uncertain... perhaps nights after nights of umpteen drinking and fagging will close up the emptiness inside of me... perhaps casual sex will make me feel loved where every night i'll spend in the arms of different men.

i love life... i love being real and a being in this humanly world... i love christmas more... but i hate myself. i hate being me and having to go tru painful experiences juz to taste life.

as i sat alone in the sanctuary of church and individually spoke to God, praying for guidance, for new hope, for a better prospect and will to live on.

i'm a sucker for genuine romance. that's why i just love christmas and watever good it brings to me this year.