money-chasing him

everybody's changing...

money chasing, fickle-headed & selfish desires of their own wants.

Why does it seem that there is no more humanity left in this world?

he has turned into something i can hardly recognise. that wasnt the type of guy i once knew and loved. does everything just fall back to the simplicity in memories thus?

once he's morals and dignity, his pride and his character was so admirable. bowing none to that of the materialistic world - money and power was not something he craved for so dearly back then.

he treasured those who were genuine, those who had good deep down in their heart, those who he can really call as friends.

now he contemplated the odds of survival in this modernity-sucking-junkies-filled planet we call earth, he's personality becoming cold and heartless - perceived only those who are of use to him...

then he does extra good, extra favours and extra effort to dwell in the pretence game - play and flirt hard... all just for the wealth, the opportunites those new becomings can return to him in favour.

he sees everybody as objects which may or may not aid in his greed for wealth. he has travelled miles, across years of living in this filthy scumbag world yet at the end of it, all those experiences resulted in him becoming like all the rest of the bastards alike - cunning, scheming and deceitful.

is all that worth it? where is the pureness, the innocence and the genuinity in all his present circle of friends? why is there the need to make use, cheat, lie and obtain in this exchange of emotional gaming - the presence of monetary gain? is money all he ever loves for?

eat, sleep and so dearly pin onto its existence...

yes im wholly disappointed. never in my chance have i ever gotten to see his change black & white untill now... till he could now forgo all our past joys and memories, rid of all feelings for me... telling me all these changes through physical hurt.

as he slapped the senses out of me, till i was a goner, and when i resurfaced from the dark black dream i was in - realising he had turned violent on me... i'd rather die then live on to see the old him - swinging happily. love is selfish. i'm selfish enough to forgo my life to prove my undying love.

i cannot let go of the past... i cannot move on... cant stop myself from loving him for whom he is, not for the things he can give me in return, not for the things he possesses, but an unconditional love - an agape, which is hardly something he needs now, or so he says.

that killed my heart in the flash. my face still stings of all the abuse he brought onto me that night, my body cut and bruised and in pain. and my head probing with a very bad migraine - a fever that doesnt seem to subside...

who knows me now? who can i really find in the future? since simple-loving and simple-giving is nothing. i lost the capacity to love. i lost the hope that there is someone real out there nonetheless even if he so puts forth - he's a loner that doesnt need any loving, attention, care & concern nor non-obliging emotions from anyone.

what i have now is memories of a very sweet kind. that when i was younger and more naive... there was this certain charming guy... who swept me off my feet... who looked not a gold or status, but saw and loved the wholesome truth in me... he was ideally the most attractive... coz he stooped not to sly acts of deceiving and detested those who wore a mask in front of others.

but now... he's the ugliest person on earth... like the few ugly ones i know... money-chasing, making use of those few richies, ignoring those who he could not benefit from... wearing a mask each n every day, enjoying the fooling around. smiling and giggling to certain rich girls, as he used to be towards me - but it is becoz he is in the "game" and loving every minute of it.

i understand why now he never wants to chat with me for more den 5 secs... i give him nothing in return, being with me ties him down, committment is something not needed by him.

being a free sparrow now, he's responsible to no one and nothing. he has grown so selfish that it has blinded him from the good of the world. where's all the ideals and morals he once held strongly to?

im utterly disappointed. broken from the dreams, stepped into reality. those slaps he projected unto me... will always n forever be... a reminder of how unfair the world is... agape love is nothing compared to the greed man has for wealth.

the truth of the world. who said that one reaps what he sows? becoz i sowed my heart and everything i could give, but i reaped only wrath, abuse and a reality that banishes me into a state of denial. An escapist.